It was New Years Day 2015 at 1am. My then boyfriend and I had just arrived home from a friend’s party, and I’m ashamed to say, I was incredibly drunk – probably the most drunk I’ve ever been in my life. All night my boyfriend (who had a short fuse and a tendency to be violent) had been insulting me, humiliating me in public and on the way home he was shouting at me, accusing me of sleeping with people I didn’t even know. When I got home I collapsed onto the bed and promptly passed out. My boyfriend wasn’t in the room at this point because he wanted to watch TV downstairs for a while. I was fully clothed when I went to sleep. The next morning I woke up, my boyfriend was beside me, and I was naked from the waist down. My jeans and underwear were in a pile on the floor by the side of the bed. I asked my boyfriend why I was half naked, and he mumbled something about me wetting myself and him removing the wet clothes. He was very eager to change the subject, and I was hungover and embarrassed as I believed him, so I didn’t press him for more information. I must have fallen back to sleep, and when I woke up he had gone out. It was only then that I touched my clothes and the bedsheets – both were bone dry. There was no smell of urine at all. The sheets hadn’t been changed either as they were the same ones I’d put on the bed the day before the party. When my boyfriend came home I asked him about it again, but he got angry and told me that I was a whore and a dirty cow for wetting myself. He made me feel guilty for not believing him. It was only over the following weeks that I started having flashbacks, fleeting visions of him climbing on top of me while I was too drunk to stop him. I couldn’t speak properly or move, and I remembered crying as he did it. When I was sure that I’d remembered what had happened, I confronted him about it, and he beat me severely. I put up with it for 6 more months, daily physical and emotional abuse, until I finally found the courage to leave him. I never reported the rape to the police or told anyone else except for my current boyfriend (who is lovely and has never harmed me in any way) as I have no evidence, and I’m terrified that no one will believe me. He’s already convinced everyone in my town that I lied about him beating me, despite me having bruises to prove it. I still have occasional flashbacks, and it sometimes affects my sex life even now. It’s made me nervous around men I don’t know, and the entire relationship as a whole was so toxic that it affects me on a regular basis. I’m telling my story so that I can finally get it off my chest.